How to deal with a break up

It doesn't matter whether you're the dumper or the dumpee - breaking up from any relationship is usually a nightmare. Deep down, we all know how much better it is to admit things have run their course, but deciding to end things always seems so final. So take our advice before you decide to call it a day.

How to deal with a break up

Are you sure it's over?

Unfortunately, there is no easy way of figuring out the answer to this question - it's simply something you have to decide for yourself.

Discuss the situation with close friends that you can trust and write down a list of things that you are unhappy with to help you get your head straight.

You should also be asking yourself whether you share the same values as your partner, whether they are someone you can see yourself growing old with and whether they still make you feel special.

How to break up with someone

If you're doing the finishing, there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. Although you may be fed up with your partner, there's no need to humiliate or embarrass them.

Try to picture how you would like to be treated if the situation were reversed - and don't dump your other half by text.

Things should be done face-to-face and sorted out sooner rather than later. No one wants to be strung along, wondering why it feels like the relationship is fizzling out.

Even though you can never be sure how your partner will react - chances are, it won't be pretty - knowing that you dealt with it decently will mean you won't be dwelling on your bad behaviour later on. And neither will they.

Be honest about issues

Whatever you do, try to avoid such old clichés like, 'It's not you, it's me'.

Although this might be easier than explaining the real reason you want to break up, the only way you can help your partner to understand why you are breaking up with them is to be as honest as you can.

Be clear enough so that they understand the relationship is over, but stop short of making them feel they are being criticised or attacked.

If you've been dumped

Perhaps you knew it was coming or perhaps it came out of the blue. Either way, you now face the challenging task of picking yourself up and moving on.

Firstly, your grieving might include experiencing feelings as sadness, anger, shock and acceptance and it’s important to let this happen.

Don't isolate yourself. Start making plans to go out and meet friends and family as soon as possible. Being on your own will only mean you dwell on your break up, and it's important to surround yourself with people who care about you during this difficult time.

Allow yourself time to grieve and be wary of jumping quickly into a new relationship - having a rebound fling may only confuse your feelings even more.

Instead, take time to think about where your relationship went wrong, and how you might do things differently next time around.

Think about picking up a new hobby that will focus your attention, and exercise as much as you can. This will release natural endorphins into your body, which will help you feel upbeat and more confident about moving on.

No matter how gutted you are, time really is a great healer and eventually, you will feel better.