It’s the number one lesson in how to hot up your sex life! Communication isn’t a very sexy word, but ‘talking dirty’ and ‘telling them how you like it’ ARE. Even if it’s just whispering, ‘that’s nice’, when your partner touches your bits in a certain way. They're not mind-readers so you need to tell them what you like for them to twig on. And it doesn’t have to be a conversation when you’re having sex. Just a simple text telling them you think ‘they r sexy’ is a big turn-on.
2. Surprise, surprise
It’s especially important in a long-term relationship to sometimes take them unaware to avoid your sex-life becoming stale. And we’re not talking about jumping out of a cupboard dressed as a killer clown whilst pelting them with eggs! Wait for your other-half to come home and find you wearing nothing but a smile waiting on the sofa. Or treat them to an all-over oil massage when they’re not expecting it.
3. Mix up your positions
It's easy to get stuck into a routine once you know what floats each other's boats. But surprise them the next time you're getting down to business by showing them some new moves. Be inspired with our top 10 sexual position guide!
4. Have a laugh
Don’t take yourself too seriously! If embarrassing noises happen whilst you’re on all fours wearing a nurses outfit – don’t be mortified. Laugh it off and carry on. Showing you are confident and comfortable regardless of what happens is pretty darned sexy. It's about laughing together, not at each other, and sharing a joke beneath the sheets is a sign that you’re the perfect couple.
Sex begins in the brain. Sure, it's a physical activity but if the brain is not engaged, not much is going to happen. Do you share your fantasies with your partner or keep them to yourself? This will vary from couple to couple. Some will find sharing and acting out fantasies an amazing and enriching experience, increasing trust and intimacy. Others might not. Maybe you could gently hint at what you might like and gauge a reaction before demanding that they dress up as a teacher and spank you with a ruler...
6. Make the time
Sometimes scheduling is more sexy than spontaneity. Busy lives, distractions and being tired are the biggest passion killers these days. So book in an hour, just you two in bed with no disturbances. Turn off phones, televisions and immerse yourself in the moment thinking about just each other and what's going on. Treat it like a fun date night that's much cheaper than going out for dinner and involves being naked! Win!
7. Concentrate on the foreplay
It's easy to skip the starter and get straight onto the mains if you're hungry. But don't! A long session of foreplay massively increases a woman's chances of orgasm and should be treated just as importantly as the sex. Start the foreplay before you've even seen your partner with a text telling them, 'I'm not wearing any knickers'. Then begin with a five minute snog with nothing else allowed. It's amazing how hot kissing can be if you know that the other stuff is banned. And maybe finish off with a sexy massage concentrating on every area of the body - you might not even make it to the mains!
8. Be enthusiastic
You don't have to act out the scene from When Harry Met Sally, but showing your partner how much you are enjoying yourself is a big turn-on. So some satisfied groans and wriggling will make them feel great. Lying there looking at your watch isn't going to do anyone's confidence any good, and you'll find the more 'appreciative' you are, the more effort they'll put in. If you have to be quiet due to next-door-parents, dig in the nails and make some serious eye contact to show them you’re giving them the thumbs up.
9. Make eye contact
It's amazing how your stomach can do a huge flip when you catch someone you fancy-the-pants off look you in the eye. Even when you've been in a relationship for ten years, staring into each other's eyes can still be an intimate tummy-flipping moment. For a trick to really turn them on, try some 'kissing down below' whilst watching their reaction as you’re doing it.
10. Forget all the manuals
Just relax! Forget everything you've been told and what you should do and just experiment with your partner. Just because your ex liked to have their toes sucked, doesn't mean this one will. Yes you can read advice and tips, but asking gets you a lot further!