The truth about... Tantric sex

It takes the average woman about 20 minutes to reach full sexual arousal; the average sexual encounter lasts 10 to 15 minutes. It seems Ms Average is not getting as good as she deserves...

The truth about... Tantric sex

Why the rush?

In many respects, modern sexuality has moulded itself around this need for speed, with high street sex shops selling the most efficacious shortcuts to orgasm – the naughtiest underwear, the hottest fantasies, toys with control panels to rival a helicopter’s - they promise results.

Fast love has it’s place – enjoy that lustful quick fix of an instantaneous shuddering climax, but when sex becomes ‘And for my next trick…’ as you bounce from a bit of this to a bit of that and we’ve only got fifteen minutes so better get on with it… how about taking time out for something a little longer and potentially rather more satisfying?

What's it all about?

Tantric sex is about reawakening and training the senses; the aim - to savour the experience of making love, to be 100% in the moment and to go deeper into your own desire.

Five top tips on getting it right...

1. Awaken your senses

If you want to slow it down, start by bringing the senses into play. Like Seduction, slow sex is about suggestion, candlelight, the right music, a glass of wine, the clothes that make you feel just the right amount of wantonness… Then take time preparing your body. As you shower, run your fingers over your skin, enjoy the touch of your hands, take the time to explore a little, to fantasise and start the process of waking up.

2. Delay the pleasure

The longer you take exploring each other’s body, the more erogenous zones you will find; the slower you take it, the more often you will be able to stop just before the point of no return and bring yourselves back. That way, when you do climax, it will be big enough to send you, ecstatically speaking, into the middle of next week.

3. Go to places you've never been before

It’s a given that you have not touched each and every part of his body that has the potential to turn him on, and vice versa. You get absolutely no gold stars for focusing on obvious places like nipples and genitals. Take the road less travelled. Explore everywhere. Find the parts of the body that feel cooler to the touch and gently stroke or rub them – this builds up heat and heightens pleasure. Pulse points where the blood is close to the surface are also sensitive to the touch.

4. Variety is the spice of life

Vary the way you touch each other, taking it in turns to give and receive. Alternately blowing softly on the skin, kneading, squeezing, gentle pinching, stroking or kissing will send different messages and keep the body alive and tingling.

5. Hold his gaze

It’s a funny thing, but making that connection can up the erotic ante immeasurably. Don’t stare, just look into his eyes and see what’s there. Mind-bending, earth-moving intercourse isn’t just a sex act; it’s two people doing something together. Remembering that can make it even better.

Bonus tip: A sexual marathon requires training!

Strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle – both of you. These are the muscles you use to stop urinating and when they’re fighting fit, they’ll also enhance your orgasm and make it stronger. Exercise them – also known as kegeling - by squeezing and releasing, 20 times, twice a day for a month. Then gradually increase the amount of time you keep them contracted, working up to ten seconds.